My phone beeps.
Mo: How are you doing man?
J: so? (I do not respond)
I pause, Tuesday?
Let me first put you in the picture. My name is Maureen, All my friends call me Mo, and I work as a program manager for a local NGO. I am beautiful, and if the attention I get from men is anything to go by, then I am very attractive. I am high maintance type of girl. I earn a decent salary, live in a posh neighborhood, drive a good car, in short, I live good life, God has been good ( I regret to call His name sometimes, later you will understand why.)
I am lonely, and often times, alone.
When in my house at night, I wonder who to call, talk to, laugh with, joke with, and no, not my women friends, I have plenty of those, but someone, a man who will smile when he sees my number calling, who will want to be with me, laugh with me, fight with me, I want a lover, a friend, a man, my man.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not desperate. I have one, him, J.
But he is not entirely mine you see. He is married, happily at that, three children to seal the pack.8 year old twin boys and a 4 year old little girl. His wife, lets call her Jo for now, is a beautiful woman. We are in the same circle of friends so we bump into each other regularly at weddings or at church.
Here the 50 mile rule does not apply, but I manage to keep a respectable distance.
I do not respect that marriage though, I would be lying if I said I did, but I respect her as the first lady, she comes first, I come second.
In my line of work, I meet a lot of interesting men. In the NGO world, they come in all shapes, sizes and colour, and the pockets are deeply seated, if you may. Nice respectable young fellas, some looking to settle, but, for one reason or the other, I am still to meet one I will foolishly fall in love with.
Because, I want to fall in love.
For now, J makes my dreams come true, at least some.
He wakes me up in the morning sometimes, via sms, and I love to hear my phone beep to his text…and I am always hoping for one that says, ” Morning sweetheart, I woke up thinking about you today, and the beautiful way you touch my heart”. But this remains a dream.
“So, today?” it reads, and I can’t wait to respond, “Yes”.
He is a busy man, my J. He hardly calls to find out how I am, he hardly responds in the way I long for him to do, but still, I stay.
Why can’t he make me feel like a woman? With sweet words and surprise candle lit dinners? I am only 27, and I know a few men who would love to make me the woman I dream of, But I stay here.
J is old fashioned, and romance to him is a thing of the white man. He says, he knows how to provide and do other important things required of a man in a relationship, so when he gave me the keys to the brand new Red SLK 500, then I knew what he was talking about.
I have been romanced by the men i have dated before, I have been courted like a star, spoilt and taken around the world….before something happens and we part ways, sometimes with huge scars in my heart. Many times, I use this to justify this thing with J.
Is his idea of being romantic, I have learnt to deal with it. I want babies, but with him, that can never happen, he has a well planned family, and if we get foolish, they may be twins.
So why do I stay on?
Because he is a diamond in the rough: deep down, a little gem, and for now, the greatest reason why I smile.
I receive no flowers from him, or cards or gifts in fancy packages, we operate on a cash basis, I ask for a gift, we valuate it, and he gives me the money, (that way I get exactly what I want)…and we tread very carefully.
My attraction to him knows no bounds, and even if he spends every night with Jo, I sleep with him in my heart.
My diamond in the rough, makes me whole for now…and that is all that matters.